He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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