On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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