The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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