Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
