Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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