Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize