Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
