Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize