..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
