I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
