perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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