That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize