So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
