i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize