Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
