well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
