miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
