I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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