Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
