it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
