We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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