drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
