i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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