You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize