Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
