When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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