The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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