I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
