Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
