need another drink. this is the easiest way
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
