Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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