one two three fourrrrnication!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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