Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
