you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
