I accidentally burped into my bong.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
