Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
