friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
