i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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