he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
