As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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