While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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