Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
