I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
