the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
