She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
why is half of my head shaved?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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