It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
