why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
