the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
