dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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