Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
