I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
