why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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