Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
