did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
