his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
