Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
