also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
