he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
