I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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