you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize