turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
