Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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