I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
