I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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