Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
